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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29360577">none but the lonely heart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/'>Anonymous</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Cottagecore, F/F, Hehehe, Hurt No Comfort, brief mention of alex quackity, briefer mention of another mine craft man see if u can spot it, haha losers ima get u, hahaha, hee hee, leave a comment ill kiss u, no happy ending, the song of achilles type beat bitch</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:20:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,642</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29360577</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>falling out of love is a one way track, and once the wheels are set in motion there isn’t anything anyone could do except watch the trains collide.</p><p> <br/>read the tags bitch</p><p>based on that tchaikovsky song mmm heartbreak mmmmm</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cara | CaptainPuffy/Niki | Nihachu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Anonymous</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>none but the lonely heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>falling out of love is a one way track, and once the wheels are set in motion there isn’t anything anyone could do except watch the trains collide. </p><p>
  <em>who do you want me to be?</em>
</p><p>puffy runs up the hill, her sandals snapping against the grass and her heart beating too quickly. “niki? niki, where are you?” it was not supposed to go like this.</p><p>“puffy,” niki breathes, her eyes streaked with tears. puffy spinned. she saw niki dangling her legs by a pond. </p><p>puffy approaches her like a frightened animal. “i’m sorry. i wasn’t thinking.”</p><p>niki smiles a little, and wipes her nose. “you don’t ever think.”</p><p>puffy squats down beside her, and takes her hand softly. “well, i promise to,” she says, sure of herself. </p><p>
  <em>it started with you</em>
</p><p>niki enters their garden, and puffy is singing as she plucks tulips under a hot sun. she calls out, “will you get another basket from the room?” her eyes crinkle at the corners when she speaks to niki, and suddenly she is content. niki reaches over for a kiss, and puffy glows even brighter. </p><p>“i’ll be back soon,” niki says. when she turns around, puffy drops her smile. she wipes the kiss from her cheek and hugs her chest tightly. without enough air pressure, she knows it will break. she loves niki so much it hurts.</p><p>
  <em>i’m too suffocating, and you’re too uninterested</em>
</p><p>when the flower shop closes, puffy throws open the front door. “i missed you!” and there is no answer, just a silence that could move mountains.</p><p>niki is stretched across a cot, playing with string on her fingers. “come in, i made pie,” she says, but it is tired.</p><p>they sit on the cot and eat, and puffy rushes to talk about the story of a man that came in the flower shop dressed in only a blue beanie and absolutely nothing else. she laughs, quick pulses of breath and sound, and niki interrupts to kiss her. smirks smugly. “finally some peace and quiet.”</p><p>and there isn’t a single kiss between them that is meaningless to puffy, but this one feels strange against her lips. “why do you always do that?” she asks.</p><p>niki frowns. “do what?”</p><p>puffy wonders if she should have asked at all. “shut me down when i’m trying to talk to you.”</p><p>“talk to me?” niki scoffs. her eyes are stormy and puffy wishes she could take it back. </p><p>
  <em>maybe we’re trying to make sense of something that was never there in the first place</em>
</p><p>“do you love me?” niki asks one day, her voice careless and free.</p><p>puffy glances up at her eyes. “of course i do.”</p><p>“say it then,” niki says.</p><p>“i love you.” puffy’s voice cracks a little under niki’s stare. puffy loves niki breathlessly, hopelessly.</p><p>niki kisses her softly, placing her hands on puffy’s temples. puffy leans in naturally, and fireworks burst in her mind. it is only later when she realizes that niki did not say it back, and the next time niki moves her lips close, puffy ducks her head away, the beginning of a dangerous thing sprouting.</p><p>
  <em>it was all too fast</em>
</p><p>it was dark outside, and after getting drunk on the stars and night air, they lay in the cot together, limbs tangled, golden hair mixing with brown and niki absentmindedly flitting her fingers over puffy’s hand. she circles her wrist. “what are you thinking about right now?”</p><p>puffy turns over, her taller frame shadowing niki’s. “the future.” she places a kiss on niki’s forehead.</p><p>niki bites her lip. “the future is wild,” niki says, “do you ever think about how there’s so many people who will love us and we will love that we haven’t even met yet?”</p><p>puffy smiles. wraps her arms around niki and pulls her close. “i love you.” she buries her head into niki’s neck, and inhales pine and rose. “isn’t that enough?”</p><p>niki’s face is unreadable in the dusk.</p><p>
  <em>you left me memories of good times</em>
</p><p>when they run through the streets of town after night falls, niki tackles puffy. together they topple over onto the dirt and they can't stop laughing. niki thinks she will never get tired of the way puffy likes to crush leaves under her feet and sing songs in the morning.</p><p>when they return to their home, they collapse into the cot and kiss, noses bumping each other. the air smells like them, and puffy says “i love you” before pulling niki to her arms where they fall asleep. niki thinks proudly that this works, this would work for her in every and any combination of eternities. </p><p>
  <em>hot air tugs and tugs at us</em>
</p><p>it is sweltering and niki could never stand the heat. “i got a new cot, puffy.”</p><p>“why?” puffy says.</p><p>“i don’t know,” niki says, “it’s hot.”</p><p>puffy sets up the cot in the untouched guest bedroom. she leans forward, running a hand through her hair and niki can’t help but find it attractive. </p><p>niki frowns and says, “why can’t we sleep in the same room?”</p><p>“don’t be a baby,” puffy says.</p><p>“it fucking matters to me,” niki says.</p><p>puffy glares. “and you don’t think it matters to me?” she pushes niki’s chest with a finger, and leaves. niki lies there, her back against the cot, tears pooling in her eyes.</p><p>in the night, niki slinks back to their room and gently lowers herself into the cot next to puffy. it is unnaturally warm, niki’s palms are clammy, and she can’t find a comfortable sleeping spot all night. when they wake up, no one brings it up and puffy gets up early to go to the flower shop with an mumbled excuse rolling off the tongue like honey. niki presses soft kisses onto her forehead before she leaves, and her heart does not sing like usual.</p><p>
  <em>it’s my fault for letting you everywhere inside my head, get out</em>
</p><p>niki is an easy crier, a loud crier. it is late and stress floods her nerves, so she holds on to puffy, who wipes her tears like a guard. “thanks,” niki says hoarsely.</p><p>but today is different, puffy is more distant, and the way she talks is cautious. they are fragile now, making sure not to overstep dare they land on a bruised spot. </p><p>niki only clutches puffy closer. when a bird is flying too far from home, god brings it back with a firm hand, a sweep of strong wind. and niki is a rash person. “you’re fucking annoying sometimes,” she spits out.</p><p>puffy looks at her with eyes that are so clear, and niki almost drops it. puffy trembles, and niki wishes she had dropped it. tears find their way down niki’s chin, tracing familiar paths, a small drip landing on puffy’s collarbone. puffy looks worlds away. “you’re crying again,” puffy says.</p><p>niki almost loses it. “do you not care that i just said that?”</p><p>puffy blinks slowly, tasting the words. “i don’t care. i know you’re tired, you didn’t mean it.”</p><p>and puffy is so perfect niki is going to scream. “why don’t you care?”</p><p>“because i love you,” puffy says, so certain.</p><p>every time she does this, niki wants to cry. niki wants to matter, to live riding the highs and the lows and hurt and be hurt, and puffy won’t allow that, so she thinks of the worst things to say. “i don’t think anyone could ever love you.”</p><p>puffy makes a choking noise in the back of her throat. she draws back, strides out their door decorated with the mushrooms they painted together, and niki doesn’t know where she spends the night. she’s too tired to care.</p><p>and the next day, when niki comes back from the town, puffy is in the garden. “i’m so sorry, i love you so much,” niki rushes her words out. puffy doesn’t meet her eyes, and the dangerous thing grows bigger. they kiss, and when niki steps out of view she blinks back tears. how did they get here?</p><p>
  <em>silence is the loudest with you</em>
</p><p>some mornings, niki wakes up and puffy is not by her side. the house feels like a match on a dry, hot day, but when puffy eventually comes back niki never asks where she’s been. and she always comes back, like a part of her soul is tied here, on their cot where niki had once worshipped all of her. </p><p>sometimes baby elephants are tied to a tree that is impossible to escape, then even when they grow into adulthood tied to a tree they could knock down in one push, they’d never think of leaving.</p><p>puffy comes back with food one time, warm beef breast and tender greens. it’s still warm, and niki accepts the bowl. “thank you.”</p><p>when niki sees a man pick up the bowls in the morning, thick orange coat protecting him from the snow, she realizes the meal wasn’t a peace offering or an olive branch closing their gap. no, it was their leftovers. niki knows they’ve lost the time when learning new things about the other could never grow old, every touch sweet and simple.</p><p>niki knows she isn’t good for puffy, but by god she’ll keep trying.</p><p>
  <em>“you loved so hard and hoped so much and then you ended up with nothing”</em>
</p><p>when puffy finally stops coming, niki sobs. she knows it was long overdue, but she had hoped. her eyes feel raw, as if she’ll never stop crying. </p><p>niki somehow finds the path to a pond, dangling her legs in. her tears mingle in the water and she can’t recognize her reflection. she has bags underneath her eyes like a train hit her, and wrists are thinner than they ever were. i miss you, come back, i love you, come back.</p><p>in a bleak winter, love takes two casualties.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>pspsppsps if u leave a comment ily</p><p>illyyy if u read the whole thing through too mwah</p></blockquote></div></div>
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